August 20, 2014

Once Upon A Time

I had a very abnormal day yesterday, and as such, I's apologizing in advance for the following nouns, verbs, adverbs, adjectives and continuity issues that will soon torture your eyes and consume your brain cells.

Once upon a time, there lived a fat little man with glasses and sparseness of hair at the foot of a big bad molehill. Now this fat little man with glasses and sparseness of hair whiled away his hours spouting left of center nonsense like "there's no such thing as illegal immigrants" and "I believe in transparency!" while making a serious nuisance of himself to the non-law abiding citizens that gutted the world around him.

One day, this fat little man with glasses and sparseness of hair decided that he needed to upgrade his living quarters, 'cause you know, a man of his INTELLIGENCE really needed something fly to show all the pathetic peons just how pathetic they really were and living at the bottom of a molehill simply doesn't cut it (or out) anymore.

So he stood up, turned around and delivered a really hi-quality sissy kick at the molehill. Almost immediately, he collapsed to the ground wheezing and geezing 'cause you know that any physical exercise of any kind just simply made him ILL. So after spending a couple of hours lying on his back staring up at the sky and getting free eats from the ladybugs that had the unfortunate gall to fly in and out of his mouth, the fat little man with glasses and sparseness of hair ran out of gas, ran out of patience and finally ran out of words in which to entertain the many denizens of his mind.

But wait, out of the corner of his eye entering the scene from stage right, was his archenemy:

Der Kitten!!!!

The fat little man with glasses and sparseness of hair sat up and instantly became lightheaded from the exertion. Der Kitten walked over and shook her head at the fat little man with glasses and sparseness of head. Afterwards, she sat down, pulled out her phone and punched in a couple of numbers. Seconds later, a ginormous pygmy pony popped out of the molehill, grabbed the fat little man with glasses and sparseness of hair by his chubby cheeks and said in a very exasperated tone.

"Next time, get with the program and write out a blog post that is either humorous, enlightening or head scratching, but above all, write a post that makes doesn't insult the reader's intelligence! This doesn't make people think! This makes people say, that boy's Alpo isn't normal!"

Alpo. For those who think that beef for humans simply isn't good enough for consumption.

(c) 2014 by G.B. Miller. All Rights Reserved.


  1. Dear fat little man with glasses and sparseness of hair:
    No one can blame you for driving off the road occasionally. Stop gripping the steering wheel so tightly.
    a fat little woman with glasses and sparseness of hair

  2. Debra: I thought Alpo would be a better choice than Pedigree.

    G.A.: I never grip the steering wheel tightly...unless I have something else in my hands, then I use my finger to get the job done. Sort of. :D

  3. LOL about Granny Annie's comment! What made it an abnormal day? What is a *normal* day anyway?

  4. M: The incident we previously discussed was the basis for the abnormal day.

    What is normal? Danged if I now, but normal for me is any day where I don't have to talk to my supervisor more than 5 times in the day.

  5. Kitten to the rescue! Kitten does not suffer from a sparseness of hair.

  6. S.R.: Most definitely. Kitten suffers from massive amounts of shedding in the spring and summer.


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