Death.
It affects us in a myriad of ways. Those ways get their collective cues from the distance that we are from the person/persons in question.
Using me as an example, certain events affected me certain ways. Tragedies that happened far away from me (i.e San Bernardino, Aurora, Virginia Tech), while they made me sad and angry, didn't affect me much. Tragedies that happened close to home (i.e. Sandy Hook/Newtown, CT Lottery, Hartford Distributors) made me exceptionally sad and angry, while tragedies dealing with the extended/immediate family (cousin passing away) hit me very hard.
As you can see, just about all the events in my life fall to two different ends. But what about a tragedy that falls on neither end of the spectrum, but somewhere in the middle?
This past Monday (1/4), I decided to log onto Facebook. No big thing there as my visits are pretty much the length of a three minute egg. But in my newsfeed, I saw a tagged photo featuring a FB friend with the phrase "RIP". Curiosity piqued, I went to my friend's timeline and saw to my dismay that I was seeing a boatload of tributes to this person.
Obviously, one W and the H came to the forefront, and I sat there scrolling through trying to find an answer to what the hell happened. Unfortunately, being the research nut that I am, I was able to put two and two together and came up with a conclusion that was confirmed two days later (the picture of Robin Williams couple with a prayer mantra was his last post on his timeline).
Now, my very talented (artist) FB friend had issues dealing with depression and he would often write about it on his timeline. Most of the time his other friends would try to help him deal with the issue in their own way. But apparently, over the course of the New Year's holiday, he decided to apply a permanent solution to what was a truly solvable problem.
While I wasn't particularly close to my FB friend, as we only hooked up because we went to the same high school, his death still bothers me. In my lifetime, I never had a friend/close acquaintance pass away. But this hit a bit too close for comfort. I don't care who you are, losing someone who is basically in your age bracket, give or take a year, makes you reexamine who you are as a person.
For the time being, my FB friend's page is still up and his family has posted a GoFundMe link to raise money for funeral expenses. Not sure if I'll donate to it, but if anything, this has made me stop and think about what I could've/should've/would've done while he was alive.
I know this probably sounds like a broken record, but as Ms. M always says, you can always do something to help, to prevent, to be that life preserver in a sea of quicksand. No matter what you think, a permanent solution to a solvable problem affects a grapevine's worth of people.
Addendum (1/10): The family changed his personal page to a memorial/remembrance page, and his family and friends are sharing their fondest memories of him, either verbally or combined with a pic.
(c) 2016 BOOKS BY G.B. MILLER. All Rights Reserved.
Oh, GB. I am so very sorry.
ReplyDeleteAlso, please know that you could not have done anything to prevent this. If he needed someone to talk to, I know you would have. Having been in that pit of despair myself - when you feel that nothing will ever, ever get better - it seems like an attractive solution. It's not being in one's right mind.
ReplyDeleteHugs to you.
Sadly, this is true. When a person decides to take that final step, sometimes there really isn't anything you can do.
DeleteI'm sorry for your loss, but sadly often there isn't anything we can really do to help. Even if you had been more 'active' in his life you wouldn't have been able to save him. Depression is a bitch, and you can't be there for someone 24 hours a day to protect them. No one can.
ReplyDeleteTrue. The best you can do sometimes, especially in the cyber world, is to simply lend an ear and respond the best that you can.
DeleteI hate "go fund me". I will find the funeral home obituary and write a tribute there if I knew the person but otherwise... At my age I could go broke over the loss of classmates.
ReplyDeleteThat would be a sad thing indeed. I actually spent the past week looking for the obit, or at the very least, an announcement, but having found anything yet.
DeleteIt's certainly strange how different things hit us. I'm sorry to hear of your friend's loss.
ReplyDeleteThanks.
DeleteIt most certainly is.
Sorry to hear of your FB friend's death. I've had several friends and acquaintances who committed suicide over the years and it always causes me to re-examine whether I might have reached out more to them or in a different way to help them cope. It's always a frustrating and ultimately powerless "what if" kind of reaction, but a very human impulse.
ReplyDeleteSo very, very true. This is actually a first for me. Most of my family have passed away via normal circumstances (i.e. old age, illness), and fortunately, none of my friends or acquaintances have passed away.
DeleteDeath is pretty much the biggest club that we can get hit on the head with. I have been lucky so far; all of my friends and family are healthy and/or long-lived. However, I know there will be a time when that will change, and it's going to suck.
ReplyDeleteI can deal, to relatively good degree, the death of immediate family members. It's the friends and acquaintances that I have issues with.
DeleteDeath will make me stop and think about my own mortality. I try not to dwell on the death situations too much. You make the most important point I think when you ask what you could have done for someone in their life. I think that's what matters most and what we often forget.
ReplyDeleteArlee Bird
Tossing It Out
Thanks.
DeleteI agree that death makes us stop and think. It certainly did for me, both for my FB friend and for a cousin who passed away early last year. Mostly because both individuals were in the same age bracket as myself.
It's always a shock to read about the death of someone we knew. So sorry about your friend, who was clearly troubled and in trouble.
ReplyDelete