March 10, 2014

I's Gots A Routine!

Howdy do folks! Tis I, the queen of my master's humble abode, Holly! Today, G.B. is unfortunately suffering through the side effects of a major FUBAR* that was initially inflicted on him this past Friday (3/7). He's hoping for the side effects to disperse by Tuesday, so until then, he has made a call to the bullpen and called in his now number one reliever to make the start.

I thought for today, I would give you an example on how animals have established routines much like humans have established routines for certain things.

I am a creature of habit when it comes to eating my breakfast in a timely manner. When I sit on your chest first thing in the morning, that means FEED ME! NOW! Because I'm not a completely heartless feline, I'll give you a grand total of one minute to get your sorry ass downstairs to feed me. I'm hungry and I want my food now. Not two minutes from now, not three minutes from now, but now. NOW, NOW, NOW, NOW, NOW!!!!! Got it?!

Further more....AAAAIIIGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!

Hello there folks! Tis I, Yello Bear! And Yello Bears none-too-happy about his being usurped from his number one position, so I's have taken steps to remove the interloper from the premises with extreme prejudice.

Anywho, dat interloper was going ons about how animal's have routines like humans. Well, I's don't knows about yours truly, as the only routines I has is sleeping, waking up, consuming a dozen honey jello shots and if I cants get's my daily quoitient, then i's go on the prowls for monies to get my jello shots, has a set routines, but I does know that a certain furrball has a seriously annoying routine about stuffing its face at the same time every freakin' morning.

F'r instance, as soon as G.B. wakes up, she's walking between his legs so that he winds up tripping into the door. However, as soon as he gets his balances, she's running down the stairs to stuff her face. When he doesn't go down right away, she runs back up the stairs to bug him until he makes a move towards the stairs. Then she blitzes down the stairs looking to stuff her fat face.

Kind of rinse, lather and repeat.

And heaven forbid if G.B. wants to sleeps late, like because of yesterdays time flunctuations for example. The she sits at the bottom of the stairs screaming at the top of her lungs, MEOW!!! over and over again until she wakes up the ENTIRE HOUSEHOLD!


And you wonder why no one really likes you, you self-centered heavy OCD tainted feline.

Fortunately, night times feedings is slightly less intorelable, in that the second she see's G.B., no matter what time it may actually be, she's already jumping on the windowsill looking for foods.

So there's you have it: two prime examples of animal routines. One that light on OCD and heavy on living for the moments, and another that is overly heavy on the OCD and light on spontaneity.

So mys questions for you is thusly: what kind of animals would you have for a pet?

*in all seriousness, I was drawn into a situation not of my making that I'm desperately trying to extract myself from. I wish I could elaborate further, but I am sworn to secrecy on this.

(c) 2014 by G.B. Miller. All Rights Reserved.


  1. Listen kiddos, I think it best if you both just lay low and leave well enough alone. It is always better for my dog Slim to get out the door early and start her rounds, leaving me to my own angst.

  2. I think I lucked out with my cat. She just sits patiently out front of my door (the door is open, she just won't enter to bother me), and she'll sit there silently until I get up. THEN she'll meow for food. And rather than tangle up in my legs, she'll run straight to her bowl and just wait patiently again.

    How did I get so lucky with this?

  3. G.A.: G.B. here. I would love for them to go to neutral corners and leave me to my own devices. However, they're like Itchy and Scratchy from "The Simpsons", and they drive me both buggy.

    ABFtS: Dude, I am jealous. Can't tell you many times I've stepped on mine because she couldn't wait thirty seconds to be fed.

  4. I'm wishing you out of the FUBAR situation soon, my friend.

  5. M: I'm hoping so too as I really don't like being part of a dog and pony show.

  6. We don't have any pets now, and after reading this post I have to say I'm glad! :D

    Hope your situation improves soon, I can relate!

  7. Joe: Thanks.

    Yes, pets can be both a blessing and a curse.


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