I Done Left Them Speechless

Blogging on the fly, as of late, is something I'm not exceptionally good at. Take today's post for example. Due to some computer related issues, coupled with work and family obligations, I wrote this post between 6:30 and 7a this morning. Yup, freshly born, freshly squeezed and freshly flattened like a fruit fly.

But, I do have a topic in which to wax poetically really?, philosophically really??, nastily much better.

 As most of you probably know, I've been published in that very rare triad: self published/vanity, self published/normal, traditionally published. Today's post will cover a very rare encounter with ASI aka Author's House.

I've published two books through them, of which Betrayed! is still available for purchase. The other we simply will not go there as it took me quite a while to recover from that stupendous mistake. Anywho, periodically, like every couple of weeks, I receive both e-mails and phone calls from them. The e-mails usually go to my Yahoo accounts, which are seldom used for anything of import. The phone calls I usually screen like a hawk, so they never, ever make it through to me.

Yesterday (9/20), a very rare one made it through my work phone. It did for the simple reason of this being a short week due to circumstance inflicted on us by our state IT agency. So while I was talking to a co-worker, my phone rang. I politely excused myself to answer it, sensibly thinking it was a staff member with a payroll issue.

No such friggin' luck as it was a happy/sappy marketer from ASI. I decided right then and there to go on the super polite offense of delivering a reality check. He started his tired spiel about the various sales that were going on for my books.

I stopped him and said that the first one should not be available for sale as I sent in paperwork three-four years ago to delist it. He then started with the second book, and I stopped him by saying that I was in the process of re-writing the second book and that there was no need to do anything to that book. He then started to ask what I was doing for my readers, and I reiterated that I was rewriting the book for my readers.

He then started his spiel about using ASI to publish it and I said, I was planning on using Amazon and Smashwords. I also said, why should I pay to get it published when I can publish it for free and the cost is simply a 70/30 royalty split with Amazon & Smashwords.

On that particular point I started to pour it on white hot bubbling heavy and subsequently I got from him was ummm....ummmm...uh-huh. I did pause long enough to give him time to respond to each extremely valid points, but apparently he had a really hard time deviating from script.

I finished up my conversation by politely saying that I didn't need anymore books because what I have has allowed me to open a bookstore and file a Schedule C every year. I also said if he wanted to send me paperwork to delist the other book that would be fine because I was more than content to let the book gather dust on their website.

Because he still has no response to my salient points, I wished him a great day and hung up.

There really isn't any moral to this story beyond stating that sometimes you have grab stupid by the nape of the neck and present them with a Dick & Jane 1st grade primer, because frankly, that's about their IQ can really handle. I'm sure I'll continue to get calls from them, but if I continue with the same point of attack, they eventually get the message and put me on their do not call list.

*Or not, because after all, I am the conductor of the Obvious Train and I'm making the stops to pick up those who still need a clue. "All aboard! You! You!"

*borrowed from the Nick show The Thundermans

(c) 2016 BOOKS BY G.B. MILLER. All Rights Reserved.