Anywho.
I'm pretty anti-social when it comes to elevator travel. I get in, punch out the panel (seriously, the buttons gotta be 30 years old and work about as well as a Democrat with an empty wallet), go to my corner, close my eyes and wait to arrive at my destination.
And, if you can't get my meaning from me giving you the silent treatment on the elevator, you'll pretty much get it from the hostile body language being thrown in your direction.
In spite of all this fun, people still try to make me participate in casual conversations. Now, I'm not much of a conversationalist in elevators fro two simple reasons: my co-workers are 75% female, and my co-workers are 75% female. If you're a guy, put your mind in the gutter and you'll get that statement. If you're a gal, don't put your mind in the gutter, because you'll still get that statement with no further prodding from yours truly.
Now, I'm one of those people who mastered the fine art of hearing w/o listening. Which, in a nutshell, is like having lunchroom blather in your immediate area and not tuning into any part of the blather. Conversations go on in the elevator and I simply let it go in and out w/o stopping. Every once in a while, something wickedly stupid will be said, which in turn will make me tune in just to see what's the hub-bub.
Yesterday was a classic case in point. Traveling with several other women where the topic of choice was shoes:
This went on for about thirty seconds or so, ya know, and they touched upon cute shoes, shoe storage, what shoes to wear, what shoes are comfortable, and finally, driving. In other words, stuff that would a guy zombie out to the nth degree.
Anywho, one of my coworkers tried to drag me into the conversation by saying, "You don't have that problem with your shoes?"
I've learned to pick and choose my battles over the years, and when you're outmanned/outgunned in a tiny elevator, the very last thing you do is ignore the question. That's like committing a very public suicide with your reputation.
So, smart guy that I is, I answered. However, I had no really snappy retort to offer (8a in the morning usually means....well, you know what it means), but I had to come up with the something. If you push the play button, then you'll get the something.
Fortunately, the elevator stopped at my floor, the doors open and I WAS SAVED!!!!!!!! HALLEUJAH!!!!! I WAS A SINNER, I SAW THE DEVIL, THEN I SAW THE LIGHT AND I WAS SAVED!!!!!
Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating just a smidgen with the Jimmy Swaggert channeling, but man, being in a elevator with enough women who could make your life exceptionally miserable is enough to make you walk those 16 flights of stairs to the 8th floor on a daily basis.
(c) 2015 BOOKS BY G.B. MILLER. All Rights Reserved.
I chuckled out loud over "bald moment". :) Sounds like you got out of there at just the right time, G.
ReplyDeleteJust barely. :D
DeleteSo that's how in the old days, tribes used to turn captives over to the women, who would torment them with talk of shoes. :)
ReplyDeleteI saw a beautiful cartoon today that applies to the post. "Zits" had the guy Jeremy doing all kinds of things for his girl and she complains that he didn't say anything about her shoes.
DeleteI would also suggest the eternal question: does this dress make me look fat?
Yeah, I didn't know bald moment was a thing. Is it because the hair follicles grew down in reverse and have started stabbing the brain? Either way - awesome new term.
ReplyDeleteI too hate talking to women, especially when trapped in an elevator. I mean, they make it look so easy in the movies, like you can just open a quick panel on the top and escape, but modern elevators don't work like that at all. You're trapped, man. So you'd better learn to talk about shoes for the next minute and a half.
Pretty much, yeah.
DeleteI don't mind talking to women in elevators so long as they're my immediate co-workers or it's only one person. When it becomes more than one, then it's a problem.
Shoes are non-issue with me unless I'm asking a pertinent question as it applies to writing.
I'm with you on this. I value my personal space especially among strangers and those with whom I don't have any special personal affinity. And no thanks to weird conversations about things I don't care about. Glad you were saved from having to delve into that discussion.
ReplyDeleteArlee Bird
A to Z Challenge Co-host
Tossing It Out
I am permenantly wary of strangers/strange people when I'm riding in elevators, or anywhere else for that matter. And since I've been privy to almost every single woman oriented topic under the sun in my lifetime, it doesn't really bother me.
DeleteMuch.
I don't have to worry about elevator conversations at work because I work in a single-story building. I also live on the first floor of my condo complex. I occasionally end up in the elevator on my way down to the trash room or the storage locker, but in the rare case that I end up riding with a neighbour, it's usually someone whose first language is Korean, so there's not much conversation going on. I pretty much have my elevator game wrapped up tight.
ReplyDeleteSounds good.
DeleteA good chunk of the time, when I do enter the elevator or when I'm riding solo and others enter, the conversation will switch to Spanish. I don't know a like of Spanish, so it doesn't bother me that I'm being excluded.
We women feel the same way when we have to talk to you men about some dumb topic you always seem to yap about. You know, non-shoe-related matters.
ReplyDeleteToche'.
DeleteSadly, in my guv'ment world, the guys more often than not will talk about things that will put you to sleep, and often the topic isn't about sports.
The topic was shoes, and you stayed awake? :)
ReplyDeleteIt was first thing in the morning when I was already in a snarly mood, so it was pretty easy to stay away.
Delete"Aren't just the cutest thing?"