Time now, for the lover's portion of the FNC Request and Dedication Hour! Mr. Miller, who gives and who takes it, better than anyone, is your randy host for today!
Well sir, it seems that procrastination keeps me waiting, unlike that funky jalapeno ketchup that no one likes.
I'm sure someone out there likes it. Is there a request or dedication you would like to make today?
What? A dedication? Me?
Well, not necessarily you per say, but is there someone that tickles your fancy? Man? Woman?
Are you suggesting that I swing thataway?
No, I'm not suggesting anything of the kind. Whatever way you swing is okay by me, so long as you have peace of mind about it. Now, if you don't have a request or dedication, why are you calling?
I don't swing thataway! What do you take me for?!
At the moment, I take you as a banana slug on the tree of sanity. So, is there a point to your verbal diarrhea today, or are you looking for some Luvs to tie you over?
Right-o then! Next caller! We have Pammy from Mississippi. What's up Pammy?
I'm not through with you yet!
Maybe not, but I sure am with you. What's up Pammy? Do we still have Pammy on the line?
I said, I'm not through with you yet!
Before G.B. can continue, his muse makes a sudden appearance in the studio. Putting a finger to G.B.'s lips, she then points to the telephone. G.B. gives a sideways glance to the left. She presses the button and instantly disappears into the phone. Moments later, a bloodcurdling scream bleeds through G.B's headphones with decibels to match, and it's all he can do to rip it off his head and throw it on the console.
Seconds later, putrid smoke begins to pour out of the headphones, while at the same time a dark colored liquid starts to run down the console and to the floor. Then, just as quick, a heavy claustrophobic silence punctuates the room with enough power to kill the dead.
G.B. pulls out his special stopwatch and presses the button. Exactly one hundred forty-seven and a half seconds later, he presses the button again and puts it away.
Clearing his throat, he says, "Thus ends the lover's portion of the Request and Dedication hour. Tune in next time to hear actual music actually being played live on the radio!
And that, my friends, is how you excise a seriously aggravating Monday out of your system.
(c) 2015 by G.B. Miller. All Rights Reserved.