Music 202: Rules For The Blues 2

Continuing with the wickedly funky e-mail that was thoughtfully passed on to me by Riot Kitty, here is #2 of Rules For The Blues. If you missed #1, check it out here.

13} You have the right to sing the blues if:

1. You older than dirt
2. You blind
3. You shot a man in Memphis
4. You can't be satisfied

14} You don't have the right to sing the blues if:

1. You have all of your teeth
2. You were once blind but now can see
3. The man in Memphis lived
4. You have a pension fund

15} Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also got a let up on the blues.

16} If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the blues.

17} Other acceptable blues beverages are:

1. Cheap wine
2. Whiskey or bourbon
3. Muddy water
4. Nasty black coffee

18} The following are NOT blues beverages:

1. Perrier
2. Chardonnay
3. Snapple
4. Slim Fast

19} If death occurs in a cheap motel or a Mississippi Delta shotgun shack, it's a blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broke-down cot. You can't have a blues death if you die during a tennis match or while getting liposuction.

20} Some blues names for women:

1. Sadie
2. Big Mama
3. Bessie
4. Fat River Dumpling

21} Some blues names for men:

1. Joe
2. Willie
3. Little Willie
4. Big Willie

22} Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Debbie, and Heather can't sing the blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

23} Make your own Blues Names Starter Kit:

1. Name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
2. First name plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Melon, Kiwi, etc.)
3. Last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
4. For example: Blind Lime Jefferson, Jackleg Lemon Johnson or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (well, maybe not "Kiwi")

24} I don't care how tragic your life: if you own even one computer, you cannot sing the blues.

(c) 2014 by G.B. Miller. All Rights Reserved.